How Can You Feel Nothing?
by lucyhaler13
Summary: He's gone. He's not coming back. All this raced through her mind at once. She just has to get over it. She wants to. But he has a hold over her mind that she cant get rid of.
1. Chapter 1

** Chapter 1**

**Couple hours Earlier (Aria POV)**

The girls had decided we needed a night out. None of us had really done anything fun in a while, because our schedules were always so hectic. Spence always was doing something for school, the girl had so much to do I don't know how she does it. She has actually decided that in stead of going to UPenn like everyone else in her family, she's heading to Princeton. We couldn't be more proud. Emily is on the fast track to recovery after her injury. With physical therapy everyday and training hard to get back in the pool, she falls asleep as soon as her head hits the pillow. And finally Hanna. Well Hanna is just having the best time being with Caleb and her mom out of jail and free. They've had so much catching up to do I'm surprised she's here.

The rosewood grille would be the perfect place for us to start our day together. Back to when we were first starting our friendship, this place would always be ours. I was first there, not because I was the most punctual (that was Spencer), but because I was 10 minutes early because I had nothing to do to fill my time. I make my way in, sit down, and order a simple iced tea.

I only have to wait about five minutes before Ms. Punctual shows up. "Aria! How did you get here before ME! That's like Hanna not being blunt!" Spencer says with a cheerful yet surprised voice. "Well, I didn't have anything planned this morning so I just spent that time getting ready, and when I was done, I came here." This brings a look of sympathy from Spencer's eyes. "Aria…" "Don't Spence, I'm fine I really am, just drop it."

We sat in silence for only a moment or two before Hanna and Emily waltz in, full of joy and happiness. "Hey guys watcha talking about?" Hanna manages to get out between our hugs, and her squealing. "Nothing, we were waiting for you guys to shop up so we could start the party" I stated slyly. Spencer knows better that to correct me. I give her a pointed look, "Uhm yeah guys, what took you so long?" Good save Spence; I chuckle lightly under my breath. The afternoon continued with similar ease. Pretty soon it was starting to get dark. We had been there all afternoon talking and just having a good time. We were just deciding what to do later, but we had a rule. We ALL had to agree. That's what was making us take so long. Hanna was pushing us to go clubbing in Philly with our fake . Emily was surprisingly on board with this, even though she couldn't drink. She said she would volunteer to be our designated driver because Hanna was hilarious to watch drunk. Spencer wasn't adverse to the idea but she was also thinking of just having a movie night in with all of us at her house since her parents were on a business trip. Everyone knew that I was normally on Spencer's side because I was rarely in the mood to go clubbing, even before… not wait, stop. I can't think like that.

And like my brain had summoned him, he walked in.

**Aria's thoughts (Present)**

Oh really, is this what it's come to? Us in the same room, but not a glance in my direction? I stand here on the brink of destruction, but you can't spare a single look my way. How did we get to this point? The last thing I Want to remember is us curling up on your couch watching some old black and white movies, just happy we were together, now your not even 20ft from me, yet neither of us get up. Neither of us say hello. And no matter how much I desperately want to, I don't get up, run to you, and just hold you, because I know it won't be welcomed with open arms. Well, you know what? Fuck you. Fuck what we had. You ruined me in the end like I was some little toy. All because you're a little bitch. Afraid of what might be in the fucking future? And yet you tell me to grow up? Get your ass of your couch and realize what you've done to me. I'll never be the same, thanks to you.

**Present APOV**

I stopped talking, breathing, existing. One by one my friends noticed something was up. "Aria" "Aria!" "Can she hear us?" I hadn't fainted, no. I just stopped existing. Then, of course it would be Spencer; one of them noticed who had come into the restaurant. "Guys…." And they all followed her line of sight. "Ezra" I breathed. Then stopped myself. His name wasn't allowed to pass my lips anymore. I owed myself that. I sat there in shock. Then as if struck by lightning, I came back. "So I'm with Hanna, let's go clubbing!"

My friends were startled by the sound of my voice. They had thought I would stay catatonic for more than a few seconds. I said it again. "I'm serious guys lets go clubbing!" I wanted nothing more at the moment than to just drown my inner sorrows in some expensive vodka that I knew Spencer would buy us.

The rest of them were more uncertain now. They were probably thinking What The Fuck just happened. "Are you sure Ar?" Hanna's voice was now unusually small. "Positive". "Well we still have to wait for Spencer's vote." I looked at Spencer and hoped she couldn't see what was written behind my eyes. The desperate need of not knowing, feeling or believing. But she was a Hastings, she saw everything. Yet a moment later she said the words that would make me happy. "Yeah guys, lets go clubbing."

We all went to drop off our cars at Spencer's since Emily would be the only one driving. Before we could leave, she pulled me aside. "I know why you're doing this Aria." And before I could protest she added "But I get it." Not truly ashamed of what I was about to do, I climbed into the car. Spencer slid in next to me, with Emily driving and Hanna in the passenger seat. Spencer bent her head next to mine and said, "Aria, its only going to help once. You can't do this every time you see him." "I know Spence, but it just gets harder. This is what I need right now. Just let me have it. Let me just get piss ass drunk, and forget about my fucking problems." "Alright. But just for tonight Aria."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**Ezra POV**

Hardy decided it was time for me to separate from my casual girlfriend Lorraine and venture into the real world alone. Hardy knew what was keeping me over in Philly, instead of walking around the town where I lived. Lorraine was in Philly, sure. You could say that was my excuse. But it really wasn't. The reason I didn't walk around rosewood anymore, the reason I don't really enjoy anything anymore was her. 4 words. A simple name. Yet it had so much power.

NO. You can't go there. Not after what you did to her. Not after what you said.

So I told Hardy I would meet him if the Rosewood grille if he was that desperate to get me out and about in rosewood. Surprisingly hardy said yes and didn't put up a fight about it. We were supposed to meet at 7; I was a little early, so I decided to just walk. Now if I had looked in the window before I walked in, I might've stopped. I might have turned around, went home, and called Hardy and cancelled. But I didn't. So I didn't take notice of the girls sitting in the window seat until I was inside. It was Aria and her friends.

Just my luck. Keep walking Ezra, don't say hi. Don't look over there. You owe her peace.

So I kept my eyes from looking over at her and made my way to my seat. When I thought she wasn't looking I snuck a peak out of the corner of my eye. Wow. She was just as beautiful, if not more, as the last time I saw her. I don't know what I would say if she came over here. What I said was uncalled for. She didn't deserve it. But then it was too late. She had already left.

While I was reminiscing, I hadn't noticed that she had gotten up from her seat with her friends. They seemed to be leaving, but they all looked a little off. Each of them giving aria glances at different times. What was wrong? Was she okay? But wait. I wasn't allowed to ask those questions anymore. Especially since I had Lorraine. And just like that, I watched her walk away again.

**Aria POV**

It took us a little over an hour to reach our favorite club in Philly.__Traffic wasn't too bad, just had a lot of cars on the road tonight. Guess they all had the same Idea we did. I don't know why seeing Ezra had set me off to get drunk, it's not like I hadn't seen him around before. Maybe it was the fact that the waitress had set _two_ placemats in front of him. It dawned on me that Ezra Fitz was on a date. Without me. With someone knew that he didn't meet in a bar (most likely). And wasn't underage. Or used to be his student. Ezra Fitz seemingly had _moved on. _And that's what killed me.

When we arrived, we flashed the bouncer our fake I.D's, and he let us in without a second glance. Well, our dresses helped. With me and Hanna wearing incredibly short, and Spencer and Emily wearing incredibly low, we passed fine for 21. Hanna made a beeline for the bar with Emily, which left me with Spencer finding a booth. We found one and sat down. Literally 5 seconds later, Hanna came up with a tray of shots. "C'mon girls if were out in Philly, we have to do it with justice. Well, all but Em."Emily rolls her eyes at this. "Hey, when swimming's over, you better believe that I am NOT going to be the designated driver anymore." Spencer spoke up at this, "Don't worry Em, if this is what we get for going out with Hanna now, I will ALWAYS be the designated driver." I actually thought this would be fun, and shook my head at Spencer's words."Am I the only one who is TRULY on board with this besides Hanna? C'mon guys, live a little!" and with this said I down a shot, and then another. "Whoo! C'mon Hanna this was your idea. Do a shot!" Hanna, appreciating my new attitude I must say, quickly followed me and did two shots in a row. "Now Spence, you came with us, and you're not the designated driver. Do. A. Shot." Spencer gives me a well knowing look and does a shot. Hanna chimes in," Now that everyone has actual grown up, let's go dance bitches!" we get up from the booth and head to the floor. There were tons of guys. What better way to forget what I saw today and get totally plastered and dance with random guys? I walked back to our table, did another shot, and then met up with the girls. "Hey where were you?" they asked. "Oh nowhere, I had to put something down back at the booth." That's all they need. The shrugged and we all went back to dancing. Throughout the night, a guy would come and talk to me, we would dance, he would by me a drink, and then get lost in the sea of people. A couple hours past and I couldn't find any of the girls. I went back to the booth, but they weren't there. What was there however, were the leftover shots. Well why not help myself? There were only 3 left anyway. I downed them one after another and decided to go back out on the floor.

Next thing I know, its 4 am, and I still haven't seen the girls. I am out of all energy. I stumble my way back to the booth to see Spencer sitting there. Spencer looks up at me, I guess surprised to see me. "Aria, how many drinks have you had tonight?!" she literally looks pissed. "Oh you know, 1, 2, or something like 12" I manage to get out properly. "Seriously aria?! I know you're not a light weight but no one can take 12! I'm getting the girls and we're going home." "NO Spencer I DO NOT want to go home! I'm staying." I'm not sure if she really understood me anyway, because I slurred probably every word in that sentence. Either way, she completely disregarded every word I said. "Aria sit here and wait for me, don't leave the booth." "Well that won't be hard seeing how I can't walk very well now can I Spence?" "Aria I'm being serious" "I'm sure you are Spence, you are always serious. I'm serrrrious Spencer and immm here too make sssure you hhave noooooo fun!" I tried imitating Spencer, but because I had had so many drinks it wasn't working well. "Oh my god Aria never mind. Grab your stuff we're just going to grab Hanna and Emily and leave." Spencer got Hanna's and Emily's bags, pulled Aria up and went in search of their friends.

**General POV**

"Hanna, Emily, it's time to go. Like now." Spencer told them. "But Spencer, c'mon just a few more hours!" "No Hanna we need to go, just look at aria. Aria, oblivious to anyone else, was currently dancing drunkenly in the corner talking to a fish tank, "Hey dude, your cute, but why you got that glass headgear?" Emily quickly agreed," yeah lets get her home." Hanna on the other hand thought Emily was insane, "Home? Are you insane Em? We give her to her parents like that we are ALL dead." None of them had noticed Aria walk up behind them. "BOO!" all three turned around "What the fucking hell aria!" "Jeez guys don't be so touchy" "Alright whatever, lets just leave guys we can decide what to do on the way." Spencer was always the sensible one

The girls piled into the car and started driving home. Emily had her eyes on the road but said," Spencer can we all just stay at your place tonight? Wasn't that the plan in the beginning?" "Yeah it was Em but I wasn't expecting to have to deal with this" she said, gesturing to a very drunk aria who had now begun poking everyone when they least expected it. "Heyy guys I can hear you and that's nottt coooooool Spence." "Alright sorry Aria, but you are HILARIOUS when you're drunk." "I am so not drunk Spencer, I'm sperfectly spober. Whoops I meant perfober. Oh you know what I mean." "Oh really? You are perfectly sober?" "Yeah" "okay then, where are we dropping you off?" "Ezra's" at this Spencer audibly gasps. She knew Aria was drunk, but not this drunk. If Aria got it in her head that she's going to Ezra's, then she's going to put up a hell of a fight to get there. "See Aria you ARE drunk. We are going to MY house remember?" "Yeah you guys are going to drop me off at Ezra's." "No aria, we are all going to my house, you included." "Ha funny Spence, now drop me at Ezra's." at this Spencer got an idea. Looking at Emily in the rear view mirror she said," Alright fine, we will drop you at Ezra's, but we have to stop for gas first don't we Emily?" at this statement Emil widened her eyes but at the look Spencer gave her she answered, "yeah Aria we have to stop for gas soon."

20 minutes later they stopped for gas, still about 15 minutes away from home. "Spencer why did we stop for gas, we really don't need any." "I know Em, but you know Aria is not going to take No as an answer." "Oh Spencer, what do you have planned now?" "Well since Aria is so wasted she didn't notice I took her phone. I figured I call Ezra, tell him what's going on and drop her off." "And if Ezra doesn't want to deal with this?" "Then I tie Aria up until she's asleep." Spencer pulls arias phone out, finds Ezra's contact and makes the call from her own phone since he's more likely to pick up.

_Phone conversation_

Ezra: "Hello?"

Spencer: "Ezra? Hey it's Spencer. I need your help with something."

Ezra: "what do you need Spencer its 5 in the morning. I mean, I know you're a student who does everything before the deadline, but still some people like to sleep in."

Spencer: "well it's actually about Aria"

Ezra: "excuse me, what?"

Spencer:" just hear me out ok? We went out last night and well, um, Aria got really drunk.

Ezra: "And where do I fit in to all of this?"

Spencer: "She demanding that we take her to your place. And well she's not taking "no" as an answer."

Ezra: "what do you want me to do? I don't see where I really need to be woken up for this."

At this point Emily jumps in: "Ezra, we're calling to ask a favor. We'd really rather not tie Aria up until she passes out. We're asking if she CAN go to your place."

Ezra: "Are you guys sure this really is a good idea? I mean, yes I wouldn't want you guys to tie Aria up, but is this really your only other alternative?"

Both girls: "Yes'

Ezra: "Fine, you guys can bring her here."

Both: "Thanks Ezra."

Ezra: "Goodbye girls."

"Well that was easier than expected," says Emily. "I'm not surprised though." Spencer replies. She continues, "Ezra is normally a pretty decent guy." "Yeah the one time excluded" Emily agrees.

They get back in the car and continue driving. "What took you guys sooooooo long?" Aria asks whilst slurring her speech. "Oh nothing it's just the car was almost completely out of gas." "Oh okay, your still taking Em to Ezra's though right?!" her shouting had woken up Hanna who had passed out in the front seat. "Jeez Aria chill yes were taking you to Ezra's. Look we're on his street." "Oh ok."

**Aria POV**

We pulled up to Ezra's building and I was suddenly nervous. I can't believe the girls agreed to let me come. I thought they were gonna tie me up and wait for me to fall asleep. I get out of the car and slowly walk towards the door so I don't fall. Man heels are a bitch when you're drunk. I walk up to the buzzer and press 3b. Ezra quickly buzzes me in. I wonder why that is. He loves to sleep in on weekends. Maybe he was up writing? Oh well. Man I forgot he has stairs. I would come here fucking drunk off my ass and climb stairs. 3 flights of them. Greattt.

When I finally get to the top, I'm stumbling around trying to get my balance back. I'm surprised no one has come out to see what all the noise is. Oh that's right its, 5:30 in the morning. No one is awake yet. I walk up to his door and knock twice. I wait and then the door opens.

"Hello Aria."


End file.
